Elizabeth Foughty
A pet peeve of mine is when people are told they must improve their exective presence, but given only vague guidance on what this means. That’s not useful feedback to act on.
Whenever I’ve been complimented on running a meeting well, or my presence during a presentation, I like to joke that I learned everything I needed to know while coaching preschool soccer in college. And indeed there are many transferrable skills. Inspired by recent conversations, I wanted to highlight the commonalities to help people understand that they may already have these skills!
What do coaching preschoolers and executive presence have in common? As I’ve learned in my career, many things. I am not saying executives are like children. What they are, however, is human. We frequently get in our own heads about how we should interact with executives and professionals, but the truth is that we should interact with them as if they are people. (Because they are in fact people.) As it turns out, children are people too!
This pertains specifically to meetings (where much of executive presence is conveyed), but is hopefully a helpful guide for those of you wondering: what does it even mean that I need to have more ‘executive presence’?!
First and foremost, you are there to offer something important. There’s no practice without the coach. You are there to teach, encourage, and help the ‘team’ improve. You have to trust you have a reason to be in the room.
Command the room. If you want to wrangle a bunch of 3 and 4-year-olds, you know you need to show up as the one in charge. However, it is also important to project a warm demeanor. Barking, yelling, cajoling…these things don’t work. What does work is speaking with a calm but projected voice. Additionally, and this is important, putting yourself in a power position (e.g., where everyone can see you), looking around, and giving everyone the Look. You know the Look. If you are or have ever had a parent, coach, or teacher, you know this Look. It’s the “I care about you, but also not putting up with any of your nonsense” Look. I guarantee if you stand at the head of a room full of talking people and Look at them, the room will quiet right down. You cannot just sit or stand quietly though, you have to do the Look.
Use straightforward communication. You’re not trying to impress anyone when you’re coaching kids, you’re trying to teach them. Speak to be understood, not to impress. In doing so, you are likely to impress people!
Have a plan, but nothing too complicated. You’d also never go into managing a group of small children without a plan, right? You tell them the plan at the beginning of the session, and then you tell them the expected outcomes. At the end, you review what you learned. The exact same thing applies to adults. What does this look like in a meeting? At the beginning, you outline the goals and objectives. During the meeting, you ensure everyone participates, not just those most likely to grab the ball, and at the end, you recap what we learned (list outcomes and actions). And you try not to get too complicated as that makes it easy to lose the thread. If a topic is complicated, break it up.
Read the room. If you were coaching a group of children, you would keep a sharp eye on everyone in the room, right? You’d be concerned about how they were learning, if they were listening, if they were about to endanger themselves, or if they were distracting others…right? Meetings are exactly the same. Reading the room is just applying those same skills to adults. Does Bob look bored? Does Sally seem surprised? And then… if appropriate, acting on it. “Sally, you look surprised. Is this new information?”. Critically, this means thinking less about yourself and how you’re doing. The amazing upside to this is that if you focus on everyone else, you won’t be thinking about you. And to be clear, you are not focusing on what everyone thinks about you. If little Suzy is about to run headfirst into little Amy, you don’t sit there wondering if she thinks you’re doing a good job. You call out “Suzy, watch where you’re running!”. It has nothing to do with you all at all, and everything to do with facilitating the room. Note for my neurospicy friends: reading the room probably presents special challenges. I suggest incorporating pauses and asking how folks are feeling. Not everyone will give their ‘true’ response, but it will give you a better direction than nothing. If you are in an environment where you feel safe to do so, be transparent about this challenge and put the onus on others to meet you with transparency and directness.
Speak with authority, not as an authoritarian. Children need to feel safe and like you’re in control of the situation, but they do not need you to control every decision. Frequently, when you speak with children, you ask guiding questions and allow them to reach their own conclusions for them to learn. You also wouldn’t shame a child for not knowing something, right? Good adult leaders do the exact same thing but for a different reason–frequently the other adults in the room know more or are specialized more in a topic. However, they still appreciate structure and organization. It makes them feel like you have the situation in hand, which gives them comfort to bring their best selves. And no one likes to be shamed, ever.
Be inclusive. Invite people in and create an environment where they feel safe to play. Inviting in is straightforward. Creating a safe environment is harder. I still feel I’m learning this myself, because I don’t have the lived experience of everyone else so my ‘safe’ might be (almost certainly is) different. However, I like to believe you get points for trying and continuing to grow here. Certainly, it involves an environment where it is safe to fail and try again and where everyone’s input is valued and appreciated.
Be authentic. Children and dogs right? They always know when you’re faking it. This doesn’t mean you share every notion that goes through your mind or work outside reasonable social mores. It means you act with integrity and alignment. You don’t say one thing and mean another. You don’t tell little Jonny his kick was perfect when he missed the goal, you applaud his willingness to try and give him pointers to improve. Integrity and alignment range from things as trivial as wearing pants if you hate skirts (it will be evident how uncomfortable you are), to being honest if you don’t know the answer to something, to not stating you’ll hit a date if you know you’re behind. It also means, if you’re having a tough day, you are transparent. I’ve run perfectly effective meetings after first announcing I was struggling that day because a relative was unwell. Pretending you’re doing well when you’re not is inauthentic, and people will pick up on it, children or otherwise.
There is more to effective presence and meeting management, but I earnestly believe this is a great start. Give it a try!
Note: If you’re curious why I have added more ‘softer’ skills here, check out: https://hbr.org/2024/01/the-new-rules-of-executive-presence
Elizabeth Foughty 